Print Friendly, PDF & Email

I’ll be damned. It’s Halloween time. You know what that means?

The year’s final two months are staring us in the face now. As bloggers we’ll have no choice but to write holiday themed stuff, “best of” and “worst of” the year posts, and of course, predictions for next year. Then comes January and we’re obliged to write about New Year’s resolutions and football.

But today, my devilish friends, we’re free to write about whatever the hell we please. Seeing as how it’s All Hallows’ Eve, I’ve chosen to write about the dead and dying.

Quick sidebar of historical significance: Did you know All Hallows’ Day initiates the triduum of Hallowmas? Yep. It’s the time of the year dedicated to remembering the dead, including saints (aka “hallows”) and faithful departed believers.

Incomprehensible, I know, but creepy and fun all the same. And now back to our dark, disturbing story.

Death rallied in 2013.

Oh how we love a good funeral. Here are many of the things resting in peace—according to bloggers.

“SEO is dead” had to be the obituary of the year. Search it and see. As you know, it’s really not dead, but wouldn’t it be great if it was?

Social business
“The words ‘Social Business’ have not struck the right chord with leaders, says Chris Heur in a guest post on If I could explain, I would. Chris goes on, “Don’t be fooled though, it’s not only a language problem that killed Social Business, it’s a cacophony of fundamental flaws in the system burdened by the very real nature of the power laws that direct our leader’s decisions and behaviors.”


Click bait, to be sure, courtesy of Search Engine Watch. I submit any story about an algorithm never deserved to live in first place.

Did you hear? Facebook passed away too. Don’t feel bad. A billion customers missed this one. I don’t personally write about—or think about—Facebook as a business play. I merely use my “page” to promote my content and build a community. But meanwhile, over on my “profile” page, I enjoy Facebook as much as I always have for what it actually is, a social media.

By the way, Facebook seems to have recognized its lifespan is in jeopardy, so they adopted a child called Instagram. It’s kind of brain dead, but seems to have a very strong pulse (just ask my kids).

“Can the new Myspace really get people to think of it as anything other than an ancient social network they’d like to forget about?” Pete Pachal asks the question on Mashable. Some of us believe in second chances though. And, should you happen to visit the new MySpace, what you’ll find is it’s one of the hottest websites anywhere. MySpace rocks.

QR codes
I could have sworn they died in 2012. Or was is 2011? Or was that before they were born? Guess not. On the Marketing Land blog, Aaron Strout declares them dead. He asks, “When was the last time you scanned a QR code?” I ask, when was the first time? Seems to me QR codes lasted about as long as the charge on my Samsung Galaxy.

Data center
At this year’s 2013 VMworld executive roundtable, they held a burial for the data center. I bet it was a lively discussion. They recorded it for you.

Online privacy
Money.cnn said so. I feel so invaded.


The one-way conversation
Doesn’t this suck? Now we have to converse with customers.

Google Reader/RSS
The Huffington Post made it official. Now we must all find our way through the darkness with a different RSS feed system. What? You don’t know what RSS is? You’ll probably live.

Dead? Again? Let me get back to you on this one. I need to check my email.

Social media
This insanely stupid bomb is usually used as headlines for stories about how important social media has become. Be confused. Be very confused.

Rock legend Lou Reed has died. I heard it on the radio, which is dead.

Sales funnel
“The sales funnel is dead. A circle of continuous engagement is born.” Ernan Roman of Ernan Roman Direct Marketing says so. He also says, “We all grew up with the sales funnel.” I grew up with Little League, water skiing, puppies, theme parks.

My dad was a sales professional and he sheltered me from the sales funnel. Dad, if you’re reading this, you suck.

“Print is dead” is so stupid I refuse to write a second sentence about this or callout any opportunistic blogger who chose to write this nonsense.

Direct mail
Tough year for print, eh? It seems direct mail also died. Would someone please tell Lands’ End?

In a LinkedIn article, Dominique Turbin says the CMO is dead for four reasons. He’s the president of his company. Presidents aren’t dead, yet.

Harsh man, harsh. Being that I’m a copywriter, this death notice is quite painful. But hey, we’ve died before and we shall die again. You see, us copywriters are badass cats. We have nine lives. We’ll be back and we’ll outlive you dogs.

The undead walks among us.

Now hear this…

According to the zillions of bloggers who wrote headlines featuring the brilliant passage, “isn’t dead,” a lot of things didn’t die in 2013. Some of the top things that didn’t die include:

  • Blogging
  • Advertising
  • Intranets
  • Marketing
  • Relationship selling
  • PR
  • Email (Wait, is it dead or alive?)
  • Google+

Now if you should happen to be advertising or an intranet or Google+, be careful not to get too cocky. Eventually the reaper shall tap on your shoulder too.

What would you like to see dead?

I could seed this convo, but it scares me. What could be worse than wishing something dead and then watching it die?

Have a happy Halloween.  Stay tuned. We’ll be giving thanks in no time.